Video Avoid of the Week: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Despite what many may think, film critics do not go into each and every film expecting the meaning of life. First and foremost, we hope to be entertained. True, film critics do tend to champion independent and foreign films a bit more than your usual Hollywood blockbuster, but that's only because the smaller films need championing to reach a wider audience. Mainstream films have the marketing bucks behind them to achieve that. That doesn't mean that critics can't enjoy and support a mega-budget, mega-hyped Hollywood flick. Two of the best-reviewed films from this year (and rightfully so) were "Star Trek" and Pixar's "UP" (which is still my pick for film of the year). Neither of those count as independent or foreign films. They're as Hollywood as they come.

But then again, so is "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen", which is easily my pick for the worst film of 2009. It pretty much represents all that is wrong with today's mainstream American cinema: bad plotting (something to do with destroying the sun and a giant robot with testicles) and acting (can't Megan Fox's character be a mute?), atrocious, overindulgent directing (Freud would have a field day both with Bay and this film), ADD-generation editing and an overall sense of bloat that makes the entire endeavour feel like you have an elephant sitting on your midsection for 150 long minutes.

Nothing works in this film: the jokes are painfully unfunny, it's misogynistic, racist (check out Amos & Android, I mean Skidz and Mudflap, if you don't believe me) and at times a bit confusing. Worst of all, it's boring, something you can't say about the 2007 original. That film didn't have the best characters or plot to speak of, but the effects were new and impressive and watching these tin cans kick the holy hell out of each other was actually-gasp!-fun. The sequel doesn't advance either of those aspects, which gives the film's possible saving graces (for me, anyway) a "been there done that" feeling.

I'm rather surprised that Steven Spielberg had anything to do with producing this film. I could see his influence -and the possible restraint placed on Bay- with the first film, but here? It appears that ol' Stevie helped conjure up the $200 million for the production, shook Bay's hand and said "son, you're on your own" prior to shooting. Michael Bay unleashed is not a good thing.

If you really feel the need to see robots kicking the crap out of each other for two and a half hours, go watch the original instead. Even if you've seen it before, you'll have made the right choice. "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" will serve a purpose in the future, aside from being landfill: film schools can use the movie as a course on how not to make a popcorn film. Perhaps if students of said course learn from the multitude of mistakes Bay and company have made, the event film can become fun again. Rated PG-13. 150 minutes. Zero stars out of four.